To the Boy I love

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There is a reason why friends do not celebrate monthsaries and anniversaries. Real friends know no time and limits.

Thank you for lending me a handkerchief when I feel like crying forever. Thank you for using the word douche-bag when I badly want to hear it. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve a hug much tighter than yours. And when I am preoccupied with my personal problems, thank you for knocking my head , “That’s too middleclass. Pwede ba irelate mo naman yung problema mo sa problema ng Pilipinas?

Sometimes love is not made of bows and arrows, hearts and flowers. Sometimes it lies in true friendship.

I embrace your superiority complex and all  kinds of complexities that come with our  friendship 🙂

I am happy with your victories in life. You are awesome. I know that’s an understatement

We are the most odd combination but thanks to Social Exchange Theory, we get along very well …lol

To me, you are always original. You are the only friend who will give me a long sermon of NGO.

If you need a girlfriend, I can volunteer. ( Joke lang!  )

When I painfully think of growing old, I imagine visiting your own place and having your home-cooked meals. We will have endless milk tea and random ramblings.

This is to remind you that you will always have a friend when you want to be classy or when you want to be jologs.

I am ending this letter with your favorite’s singer epic line:

“I will always love you ”

-Whitney Houston

From your friend whose love for you is unrecognizable and almost invisible

-Jackie

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To my X Someday

To my future ex,

First of all, I don’t believe in you. I don’t believe in the future to begin with. Now is the only real moment.

I once named you Ekam Eveileb from Cecelia Ahern’s novel, If You Could See Me Now

I don’t fall when I’m in love. I rise. I transcend.

You will be the X someday. You are both a threat and a potential.

If everything works in God’s timing, we don’t have to build a home someday because every place we go is home. I want to discover many places with you and challenge you to eat all kinds of food. I want us to explore temples, churches, beaches, and mountains but I am perfectly fine sitting in a coffee shop while listening to all your throwback stories and all your life lessons.

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I am a masochist when I fall in love. I want you to suffer. I want memories of me ache you. When I am not around, I want everything to remind you of me. When the sun is burning in Middle East, I want it to remind you of my skin brushed against yours. I want you to see how empty your hands are without me. I want you want to feel how lonely the streets, grocery stores and shopping malls are so that you will always look forward of meeting me.

I want to be that newfound word that you keep using until it becomes permanent in your vocabulary.

I want to be the last song syndrome that your ears just can’t get off, no matter how hard you try.

You will be in the entries of my diary even if our story lacks drama and thrill. It may be mundane and unexciting to some. It may not pass for a soap opera or a romance film but it creates a sanctuary for two lost souls. Is it not amazing how God can come up a love story just by weaving photos, screenshots, and emoticons, and air waves?

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Thank you for making me realize that no matter how strong you are or how happy you are, you will be needing others.

When I felt like I had already auctioned my dreams, you bought them back. Because of you, I am starting to dream all over again. I can never spell the word because without “us”.

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I want to be at my best because you deserve the best. There will come a time when everyday will be like Christmas and every morning will be like new year.

I know you will reach greater heights because you are always equipped for success. If things don’t work out according to your plan, it has nothing to do with you. It is divine intervention. Wherever the tides of life will take you, I will swim along so that you can get through it.

If ever you feel there is a shortage of love on earth, just look above. It is something we both shared.

But just like X in algebra, you are a variable.

If I think of you as a threat, you can be that Xtra note that I struggle to sing. You can be the Xcess baggage that I carry everyday.

But if God is on our side, I am Xtremely positive that you are an Xample of my future. You will just have to be my X so that we can finally put everything on stone.

For that, I choose you to be an independent variable. You are a game changer.

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Happy Birthday!

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Love and Light,

Jackie

Note:  Long ago, I had a draft of a letter to my future ex. I was supposed to post these months ago when I was still available. haha!  Then you came and all I had to do is finish this letter with details of you.

Ang cheesy! 😀

Mama

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“My mother is the best mother in the whole world.”

How many of you have said that?

We all do.

I can’t remember if I said that when I was kid. I probably did because that was a default way to describe a mother. But now that I’m an ‘adult,’ I know what I mean by “my mother is the best mother in the whole world.” When I was a kid, I probably loved my mother because she fed me, clothed me, sheltered me. As I age, I love my mother more for small reasons, for deep reasons, and for no reason at all. It’s when you are a grownup, you gain deep appreciation the kind of life your parents have given to you.

Minimalist Lifestyle

When I was in Grade I, my mother only gave me two pesos for my baon along with sandwich or crackers she bought in the grocery store. Though we were not really poor, I felt a little deprived. I was studying in a private school where almost all the kids had yayas, drivers, and tutors. I stared at them with envy as I saw them buying soft-drinks and chips in the canteen. My brother and I learned to save when we were kids. It was not because our mother told us to do so, because we knew there was nothing much we could do in spending our allowance in a day, compared to saving it for the things we wanted to own. When I look back, I’m glad my mother did not give me too much of everything. I don’t buy designer clothes and I am not in a hurry to buy the latest gadgets. I also go for the basics first and save for my luxuries.

No “Don’ts”

My mom was always present in my class presentations, parades, and all the school activities that required parents to come. But she wasn’t a typical stage mom. She did not tell me to be like this, like that, to join here and there. She wasn’t like other mothers who would push their children to be honor students, to study in a prestigious university, to finish on time, to take up nursing, to be lawyers or doctors, to work abroad. She was happy if I achieved something. When I didn’t, it did not matter to her. And I am happy that my mom is like that. She gives me enough freedom to be what I am and to discover my own interests.

Mothers usually tell their daughters during their teenage years:  “Books first before boys. Studies first before love” but my mom said nothing like that. Deep inside, I wanted to say, “Ma, don’t you think I’m pretty enough to have precautions or warnings about boys? ” (haha) I’m glad that even if my parents have never given me lengthy anti-boyfriend sermon, it turn out well. I don’t have you-and-me-against-the-world love story. And I haven’t brought a male specimen in the house for my parents to be afraid of. Maybe that’s a simple lesson of parenthood. The more you say, “don’t”, the more they will do it.

I did not make an attempt to be rebellious because there was no reason to be. When I was staying with my parents, I never had a curfew. She did not have to tell me to come home on time because most of the time I was at home by choice. Yah, I pretty had a boring life. When I told my mom, I had to  finish a group project overnight, it was easy to believe. There was no need for me to make white lies.

Unconditional Love

If there’s one thing I learn from my mother, it is unconditional love. It’s a kind of love that you don’t ask anything in return and that you accept people as they are. My mom does not require anything from me.

Some people will love us for what we have. Some people will love us because we are funny, nice, and charming. Some people will love us because of what we can do. Some people will love us because of what we have achieved. Nobody can just love anybody that freely. I know that even if I travel across the universe and meet as many people as I can, I know no one can give me that kind of unconditional love.

I love my mom, not only for giving me life but for the kind of life I had, and the life I made out of it.

Mama, Happy Birthday!

If you want to get to know my mother, read this… hehe