Heart Problem

By the time I finish writing this, there are about a thousand aborted babies, a thousand children who have no supper, a thousand crimes committed and unsolved. And to write my personal crisis as if it is a national issue is one of the most insensitive things to do. If I were a TV star, that would be worth sharing. Well, I’m not. But I believe one troubled soul contributes to the health of the universe. This is how I interpret Indian philosophy on “Brahman”, universal soul. The infinite number of souls are in one universal soul. It is a very difficult concept to digest. To expand the idea, let me share a text from Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, Eat Pray Love.

Dear God,
Please intervene and help this divorce. My husband and I have failed at our marriage and now we are failing at our Divorce. This poisonous process is bringing suffering to us and to everyone who cares about us

I recognise that you are busy with wars and tragedies and much larger conflicts than the ongoing dispute of one dysfunctional couple. But it is my understanding that the health of the planet is affected by the health of every individual on it. As long as even two souls are locked in conflict, the whole of the world is contaminated by it. Similarly, if even one or two souls can be free from discord, this will increase the general health of the whole world, the way a few healthy cells in a body can increase the general health of that body.

It is my humble request, that you help us end this conflict so that two more people can have the chance to become free and healthy, and so there will be just a little bit less animosity and bitterness in a world that is already far too troubled by suffering.

I thank you for your kind attention.
Elizabeth M. Gilbert”

I sometimes rant about how poor education in the Philippines is, how discrimination continues to exist, how mass media redefine beauty, how pop culture affects our values. I talk these things passionately to my friends and I come up with a conclusion that I don’t have real problems at all. I pay attention and think deeply on things that have no direct effect on me, things I have no control. Perhaps, it is a middle class way of thinking. Because when you have no food, your main problem is not the main problem of the world. Your main problem is how to earn money to buy food. You have no time to worry about the other injustices happening in the world.

I go back to the beauty queen question: “What is the greatest problem of the world?” Poverty? Inequality? The list goes on. But no beauty queen will say, “It’s a heart problem.”

Problems are most of the time, man-made, not destined. We choose our battles. Sometimes, we create our own demons. The greatest battles in the world do not happen in the streets. They happen in our heads. This is probably the most egocentric view of suffering yet this view explains how we inflict pain to ourselves, how we are responsible for our feelings, how we cope with life casualties. The real crises we experience most are the ones that tire us to sleep. The last few thoughts that linger on our heads. A problem is conceived first in the mind. The worst criminals in the world have their own unsettled problems. Like all villains in comic strips they all begin with desperation, greed . They have personal issues within themselves before they become problems of the society.

Our own disasters and failures in life may appear infinitesimal to what the world has to say. But the best stories and the greatest tragedies happen in small scale. They happen in our homes. They happen in our bedroom. We experience them alone.

The epic musical drama, Les Misérables is memorable and loved  not because it is about French revolution but because of Fantine’s failed dreams, because of Éponine’s unrequited love, because Jean Valjean never had a peaceful life.

Hence, it is valid to say that the greatest problem of the world is a heart problem. For this, I will never be crowned as Ms. Universe but this is how I see myself in relation with the universe. If it does not hit your chest, it is not a crisis. We don’t cry because we are hungry. We don’t cry because we have no money. We cry because there is a painful thought within a life event.  When we feel violated, victimized, underprivileged we suffer. The feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, is a response of many principles we keep.  It may be love, faith, dignity, respect. Why should we receive less in life when we are good laborers? Why we did not succeed even if we were determined and hardworking? Why did people do wrong to us when we were good to them?  We question the law of karma and other moral code. When you have a heart problem, it’s worse than solving the miseries of the world.


One of my favorite songs from Les Misérables is A Little Fall of Rain. In this scene, Éponine was dying in arms of Marius while the rain started pouring.


Just today, I realize how symbolic the last line is…

“And rain will make the flowers grow…”

Be-Great Eight ‘Theories’

Wisdom is a sign of aging. You cry less. You laugh less. You choose your battles. You learn to fight. You learn to give up. You learn to give in. After surviving more than two decades in this world, I pick up some life lessons which I call my “personal theories”. If  tested and proven many times, these can be called “truths.” I need to experience much in life for me to finally claim these are “truths.”

Here are some of my “theories.” Sometimes, I try to convince myself that these are all true. Nevertheless, I want you and me to believe in these.

Talent is innate but success is an option.

They say talent is genetic. It’s either you have it or it’s either you don’t. But success is for everybody. It’s either you grab it. It’s either you don’t.

There will always be someone better than you.

When I was in grade school, my dad reminded me, “There will always be someone better than you.” Up to this day, my dad’s words echo in my head and it keeps me grounded. But I somehow improve my dad’s words of wisdom. My version is:  “There will always be someone better than you but you will always be better than someone else.”(lol) Anyway, to make life easier, don’t compare yourself with anybody else.

If you lack talent, practice.

If you constantly do what you like to do regardless if people think you don’t have what it takes. Later on, you will be surprised of what you can do.

If you lack knowledge, read/ study.

Our weakness can often be compensated through learning, interest, and effort. Knowledge is always acquired. You will not be a lawyer if you will not study law. The bottom line is any knowledge can be gained. Everybody in this world is given a chance to learn.

It’s okay not to be okay.

It’s a line from Jessie Jay’s song Who You Are. It’s okay to grieve on the things you consider important. The following lines of the song tell you why:  Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising, just be true to who you are!

With great success, comes great failure. With great failure, comes great success.

If you want to succeed, you must take the risk of failing.

With great happiness, comes great sorrow. With great sorrow, comes great happiness.

Again, this is a fact of life. The key is to be prepared for what you ask because everything has a price.

If you have determination, you are making your destiny. If you lack determination, someone will decide  your destiny.