The Preacher’s Wife

“Do you want to marry a preacher and be like your mom?”

I blatantly reply: “No, I don’t want.”

It’s not because I don’t believe in my dad’s work. Of course, I love and admire my parents. I appreciate the efforts they make to give us a quality life. I just think it’s more difficult to be a preacher’s wife than to be a single parent. I can’t imagine having the kind of life my mom has. I don’t like to submit myself to my husband (hehe) and  I am not caring, amiable by nature. But in truth, I looked up to my mother as an ideal woman and I know the challenges that my mom has to deal with as a preacher’s wife.

A lot of people claim that they are mission-minded and they like to serve the Lord. Though these people are worthy of admiration, I sometimes question how long can these people keep their enthusiasm.To some, working for the church provides opportunity to pay their misdeeds. To some joining the ministry might be a life-changing catalyst. To my parents, it is their life.

My mom married at the age of nineteen, spent almost all her life with my dad. Did I mention somewhere that she gave birth to seven children? At first she had five children while she continued to maintain a 22-inch waistline. After 14 years, she had two unexpected children. Having a lot of children is enough work load but  her role does not end there.  She has to help my dad with some people skills

Our house functions like an inn, a coffee shop, a bank, and DSWD. We would have random visits as if we are a social service center. My mom worries for a lot of people. Sometimes, my mom has to deal with people who are financially troubled. Someone needs to be visited in the hospital. Someone needs tuition fee, medicine, and bus ticket.

My mom prepares meals for a large group of people. She cooks for church workers, participants of youth and family camps, fellowships and feeding program. She should always be friendly, caring and ready to serve. She invites every new comer in the church to our house. And let’s add the fact that she has to please everyone. My mom teaches in ladies’ class and in church events, she acts like a project manager, a facilitator, an operations head. These are some of the things I can’t do. She is a busy home maker and a preacher’s wife. While I love my own space, my mom expands her home to accommodate more people.

Let me end with a short note to my mother:

Thank you ma for taking care  of me even if  I am such a difficult child. Thank you for bearing my tantrums. Thank you for peeping into my bedroom before you go to sleep.  Thank you for not requiring anything from me and accepting me just as I am.  Thank you for giving me more than enough.  I’m also sorry for being ill-tempered at times. Good news, I’m working on it hehe…You are the best mother in the whole world! I love you very much! And you are the only person in my life whom I find greatest comfort and greatest love! Happy Mother’s Day! 

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Inner Beauty is a Myth

On the radio….

DJ 1: “Do you believe in inner beauty”

DJ2: “Inner beauty is  for ugly people who want to feel good about themselves.”

I don’t believe in inner beauty too. I don’t believe that beauty is measured by character, attitude and whatsoever. When you are beautiful, you are beautiful. When you are not, you are not. No justifications can be made. As what they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

There is something wrong on the belief of inner beauty. They say real beauty is skin deep. We always take it as a compliment when someone says, “You have a beautiful face, beautiful body, beautiful hair. ” O f course, we are flattered when someone tells us that we are beautiful inside and out. But how about when someone says, “You are beautiful inside?” In the deep layers of your thoughts, you are thinking, I am ugly outside or I am ugly enough for someone to commend my ehem …inner beauty? If truth be told, you’d rather have someone tell you, you are beautiful outside than inside. That’s the time inner beauty is more of an insult than a compliment.

It’s like having a conversation with a friend about a girl whom she has not met. She asks you, “Is she beautiful?” Then you reply, “She is mabait (kind)” If inner beauty is for real, then why don’t immediately say, “She is beautiful.”?

When you describe someone “beautiful”, you are referring to someone’s eyes, skin, nose and lips. You are not referring about a person who does community work, goes to church and feed  street children. That’s how the sentence “You are beautiful” functions though it is not equivalent to “You are a beautiful person.”

They say it does not matter how you look. What matters is your are kind, good to other people. This is the inner beauty theory. But this idea does not sell well to me. I don’t like that kind of mentality, “ok lang na hindi ako maganda pero mabait naman ako.”

I believe real beauty is not about being charitable because beauty is not synonymous to kindness. Real beauty is acknowledging that your eyes, your nose, lips, ears, are perfectly made and they fit well to who you are. It is rejecting the idea that you are trapped or cursed in the wrong face and body. Each of us has his/her own beauty. It’s either you accept that or you don’t. It’s not about having it and not having it.

Beauty is not also equivalent to conformity. Women who appeared in magazines are described beautiful. Sometimes, a person thinks if she looks like this model, she is beautiful too. What people fail to take consideration is that the magazine cover is not only eye candy because of its model. A stunning appearance of a model is a product of the efforts made by art director, photographer, make-up artist, and stylist. It is a piece of art.

There are TV shows like America’s Next Top Model that tells stories about women trying to be thin, having their hair short to appear taller. This sometimes creates an illusion that these women work hard for beauty. But it’s not for beauty. It’s for conformity.

Beauty is about everything you see in the mirror. It is how you see yourself. In your lifetime, someone will describe you with pretty, average, ugly, indescribable, cannot-be-categorized looks. One’s perception is always a variable. But what you believe in yourself can be permanent. If you believe you are beautiful, it will radiate in your skin, body, and soul.