I experience magic a thousand times
when I close my eyes and
let myself fall into a deep sleep
I find myself trapped in a music of sirens
when every chord hits me
pulls me to another land
brings me memories I have auctioned
to the stars
when the violin strings are veins
inside of me
I use my keyboard
like piano keys
I type letters like
rhythm flowing in my fingers
I have a disco ball inside my ear
and I turn it on when the possible sound outside
is the humming of the air-conditioner
when window blinds blocked not only sun rays
but air waves
I experience magic a thousand times
when I watch a film and let the screen capture me
when I embrace the man with open wounds
after a gunshot, after saving his wife, after saving the world
I laugh as I see a snowman longing for summer
a sister, a friend, a lost girl finding her way to New York
I am one of them
And when the movie ends
maybe with a castle or an open sky
I cry and sigh, “It could have been my life.”
I sing ”Got to believe in magic”
I believe there is magic in love
It is beautiful as it unfolds before you
You believe it is real.
but you know it was a trick
I experience magic a thousand times
not in carnivals, clowns,or Ferris wheel
When a music fades and the clock ticks for work
I know fairy tales expire too
When a movie ends and there is no Part Two
I know it happened within an hour of lenses
And I know there is a camera trick and a script
to make me believe it was my life
The trick of magic or the trick of the trick
is to believe on it
to never let go of the thought
to let butterflies live in your brain
to find yourself in fictional characters
to believe in a future you created
Magic does not deceive
You choose to believe
Sometimes I cannot contain my happiness that I tend to laugh and smile everywhere. I smile in front of my computer screen. I smile all by myself when I’m walking in the street. Some people smile back at me because they think I’m smiling at them but in truth I’m just smiling at myself. I laugh inside the elevator. I laugh at people’s corny jokes but I am actually laughing at myself. I think I smile more when I’m alone than when I’m with the company of others.
There is always a way to be a positive thinker. This is a reminder to myself because I know I am going to have blue days with my self-centered problems and talk to the plants and animals, “Why does the universe conspire to make me miserable?”
But right now, I just need some tranquilizer. Let positive vibes reign in me. Let me magnify weirdness. And have faith that God is bringing pieces of my life together.
Here are some of the laws, theories, principles in my search of irrational happiness.
WARNING: If you are allergic to selfies and other narcissistic type of people, please do not continue reading.
Law of Gravity
Keep yourself grounded. It’s very tempting to envy people of your own age group, of your own clan, of your own environment who are better than you. But you gain knowledge and get inspiration from people who are younger, less experienced, more successful than you. It’s not wise to compare yourself with them. Don’t compete but learn to admire people who are better than you. Admiration is a proof of humility . Envy is a proof of insecurity.
“Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” – Proverbs 11: 2
I have one simple rule that I’m trying to apply in my life: Just receive and receive. When something is laid in front of you, you just receive it freely. You don’t question if you deserve it. You take it even if you think you are not prepared. You take it as it is. You don’t wonder if there is a better choice because the chances are you don’t. Instead of using the word, “accept,” use “receive.” These two words may sound synonymous but they can change how you think. “Accept” is often combined with negative thoughts. “ I accept failure.””I accept rejection.” “Receive” on the other hand, is more related on positive things. “I receive a gift.” “I receive a letter.” “I receive a blessing.”
Belo’s Law of of Attraction: The best attracts the best
This is my version of sour grapes and sweet lemon. If it is not attracted to me, then it is not the best for me. It is a better way of saying “If you do not make it then it’s not meant to be.” We often think that we are lacking something when we don’t get the job we want, the person we like, the school we want. It’s like this: If a guy/girl does not like you, don’t think you are not good enough. Instead, s/he is not good enough for you. Why do we have to find flaws in ourselves? Similarly, if a rejection letter comes in your door, do not grieve too much as if all your hopes and dreams lie on a single life event. It’s not just the best event that could have happened in your life.
Reuse, Reduce , Recycle
I have a lot of baggage but I learn to let go and run away from all the negative vibes. So what do we do with negative thoughts and feelings? We reuse, reduce, and recycle. Stage fright is negative but you can get your energy on stage out of it. Jog, box, exercise if these can take away bitterness. You burn calories when you burn negative thoughts. There are so many things you can get from a bad memory. You can convert it to life lesson.
“When I look back on my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened, it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest because I invented it. ” -Lady Gaga
Belo Principle for Beauty
If you think you’re pretty, thank God that you enjoy looking at your face. And if you think you are not pretty, cheer up. At least, you don’t attract people who are very superficial.
Have you experienced waking up in the morning and asking yourself, “Why am I still alive”?
I feel this way every Sunday morning, except mornings in my parents’ house. I wake up and ask silly questions on my head. Why do I work so hard? Why do I have to work? Why do I have to succeed?What is the measurement of success? On my efforts of improving my life, is it necessary? Why do I demand too much of myself? What are my plans? Do I really have to plan? What are my goals for? Why do I have to accomplish something? What is the end goal of everything I do? Why can’t I just be contented with love and simple life? Why do I want to make my life complicated? Am I happy?What is the measurement of happiness? Will this make me happy?
These random thoughts haunt me every Sunday morning. It’s like a session of Purpose Driven Life. It’s like a tiny Jacklyn shouting at my head , “There is something wrong. There is something missing.” I suddenly feel incomplete. I miss the comforts of my home. I miss my family. I miss waking up in a place where I know I am loved and cared for. I have lived all by myself for almost five years but I entertain the feeling of homesickness every Sunday morning. It’s not about being homesick. It is the feeling of uncertainty that causes unfathomable sorrow.
As weekdays go on, my life follows a must-to-do list. But it is during Sunday morning, that I wonder why I restlessly think of controlling my life. Like King Solomon, I share the same sentiment.“Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 2:11
And here I am writing non-lucid thoughts hoping that I am not alone. Just a survey to comfort me, “Was there a time that you woke up and asked yourself, “Why are you still alive?”