I feel homesick. No, I am not homesick. Manila is not my home. To me, Manila is the local New York filled with spectacle, glitz, and noise. It’s amazing how our ideals in life change. We change our preferences in life: the jobs we want to have, the people we want to follow, and the way we spend our money.
When I found out I had to leave Manila, I had mixed emotions. I was happy because I knew my life would be a lot easier moving to a smaller city but at the corner of my eyes, tears were building up. I was overreacting but leaving a place where I spent significant amount of time could be very daunting. The idea that I might not come back scares me. As I rode the bus, I was nostalgic as if I was breaking up with a boyfriend and I was trying to reminisce everything. I thought of my friends, my awkward moments in college, my surprisingly enjoyable master’s degree, the malls, the city routes I learned to be familiar with. Then again, I was just being myself, the overly sentimental and emotional self.
Someone told me, “How much more if you’re leaving abroad?”
I joked,”Yun nga eh. Aalis ako pero local lang ang lilipatan ko”
I definitely don’t miss the traffic of Manila, the five-hour bus ride, nor the 30 minute MRT ride. It was suffocating to live every day of my life chasing, worrying, and waiting. And I think I have adapted that kind of mindset, that panicky and restless girl. My sense of distance and time changed when I started working in Cebu. How far is far? How near is near? How heavy the traffic is?
On a lighter note, I like the food here. I realize my taste buds are really Bisaya. I get to eat my favorite food all the time, kinilaw or Ceviche (for a classy word) and guso and lato , the seaweeds.
I told one of my former work mates: “I think this is a place where I want to grow old”
“Emo(tional)kaayo ka,” she replied.
Walang forever as what they say
But we don’t try things because we necessarily want them forever.
We try because it’s worth the risk
Let’s be transients forever!