Dear Men

I am writing this for my hypothetical son so that when he grows up, and someone asks him, “Are you man enough?”, he can get over it. He does not have to answer on “what it takes to be a man.” There is no effort to be a man. There is no effort to be a woman. It should always be effortless to be who you are.

Dear Men,

You must have heard this for most of your life. “Man up”, “Are you man enough?” Courage by all means has no gender and everyone has the capacity to be vulnerable. Yes, vulnerability is a capacity. If you take away the person’s need to express fear, sorrow or dismay, you are taking away what is innate in human.

Many women complain that most of their sufferings have to do with men. menstruation, menopause, or “men oppose” but believe me you are our comrades.

It doesn’t not matter if you were created first nor how you were created. Whether you are products of evolution or family planning, it does not increase or decrease your value in this world. It does not matter if you are made of steel, bronze or metal. It does matter if you come from the ground or from left over of star dust. You are too intricate, and too complicated, to determine which elements you are made of. I will simply describe you in the way that it is written in Genesis, in the likeness of His image.

If you think you are authorized, entitled, I’d simply say: You have the power. There are many kinds of power but not all kinds of power are meant to lead or control. Choose your power wisely.

Most of our lives, we imprison ourselves with brand names but brand names do not indicate our purpose in life. Let us refrain from using our gender as an excuse or privilege. “Because I am a man” and “because I am woman” cannot explain the talents we have, the principles we keep, and the sacrifices we make.

In this lifetime, it doesn’t matter who wins and loses. It doesn’t matter who leads or submits. It doesn’t matter who has more or who has less. It doesn’t matter who is stronger or who is weaker. Love is the greatest equalizer. For when we love, we based our actions not on our roles, on our strengths, but for the welfare of others.

Keep this in mind that you are not limited or defined by your testosterone.

And let’s face it. You are not complete without women. Your genetic makeup speaks so much about it. For your XY chromosome, you owe it to your mother. The mere fact that all men have X chromosome is a tribute to women. Hence treat every woman as your sister, daughter and mother. No son would want to see his mom objectified. No father would want to see his daughter get hurt.

Your role is not to save a damsel in distress. Your role is to save the world from bondage, to save it from greed and oppression. Be an agent of change. Your role in the lives of women is to uplift them. Let it be known that they do not need heroes. They are heroes too.

Read more about women, but not on how to date a woman, or how to take her out. Read on their contributions in history, culture, literature, revolution and others. We need to hear more of them because for the longest time, we left women out of the pages of our books. Let us dream together for a better place to live. And maybe someday there will be no history, herstory but only “our story.”

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. dave
    Aug 04, 2015 @ 03:36:47

    wow you are really good in blogging, by the way im a web designer 🙂 if you want to improve you blog site you can contact me davejosefm@gmail.com

    Legal Software Singapore

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  2. A Brother
    Jul 17, 2015 @ 03:25:21

    Hehe! Your role is not to save a damsel in distress. – Your role in the lives of women is to uplift them. ??

    “Eve did not came from Adam’s skull to rule over him. Eve did not came from Adam’s feet to be stepped-on. But Eve came from Adam’s rib cage near his heart to love, under his arm to hug and protect.” – quote from Tatang Costales (Matina Church of Christ)

    Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. How about if you learn how men’s world works too.

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    • jackieB
      Jul 17, 2015 @ 05:06:10

      hehe not to save but to uplift? I know that sounds ironic but in my own terms, I think there is a difference between saving a damsel and uplifting women. Saving a damsel in distress is a metaphor for women to largely depend on men. And for me uplifting women is more on inspiring women or empowering women to be self-sufficient. But then again, I do recognize that we have different ways and different ideas on what we meant by uplifting women.

      I know my blog post sounds like a sermon to men… or it may sound we-don’t need men… But i sincerely think we need all kinds of people, men or women, young or old to survive…

      Yes, i have female bias while writing this post. As I address Dear “men”, I am writing this for women to be exact. It is my intention in writing that we include men in the pursuit of improving the development of women

      I really appreciate your comment. And I like to learn more on how men’s world works 🙂

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  3. miriam belo tan
    Jul 13, 2015 @ 06:14:43

    love you,Jack…Ate

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  4. Nadziratel
    Jul 02, 2015 @ 00:04:03

    Equality is sometimes a perception that everyone wants to grasp. Although going back to this case, Men are Men, it’s like the phrase “Boys will be Boys”. No matter how he is bullied or treated differently, the inner alpha is still in our blood. When a boy is told to “Man Up”, doesn’t mean he has to hold himself up just to persuade himself to be a man. It means that he is what he is. I think men have already expressed ourselves to what we are, although not most of us have been that consistent and just fall out of the concept. And if equality is what we want, then what is equality? Is that about “What a man does, a woman can?”, so if a man can Hitch on a Jeepney then a woman should do the same. If a man can offer a woman a seat on a train since he can just stand up knowing his own strength, then I think a woman would just simply stand up because a man can.
    As we aim for Equality, we’re removing some of the good traits that men has for women. We were designed to be the protective being, but if that’s what women wants, then as gentlemen we will give you what you want. And I think that would be our last act as Gentlemen. 🙂

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    • jackieB
      Jul 02, 2015 @ 02:30:37

      Spot on! Though I do like the idea of equality, I appreciate chivalry as well.. It’s great to have gentlemen who are helpful, polite, respectful and kind. I think we need men like that…. And for me, that is not much of an issue of equality. If you think your role as a man is to protect women, then let it be. It is wonderful to share concern and love for another human being. And I have nothing against the traditional roles of men. If it improves how you treat others, I guess it’s good to keep the commonly expected good attributes in men. I am more concerned with the negative effect of stereotyping men or women… because there is also negative stereotype in men that aren’t inherently in men.. and that’s what I meant of taking gender as an excuse or privilege

      Thank you for dropping by and sharing your insight 🙂

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      • Nadziratel
        Jul 17, 2015 @ 17:57:36

        I was just going by to see if my comment kind’a had some effect. Although I am more interested on how you wanted to know more about “How Men’s World Works” from the reply that you had with A Brother’s comment.

        Well, if you want to look back millions years ago, men(we) have monument-ed ourselves with what has become the world’s ongoing “EFFECT”. Yes, that’s right, we(men) loves to see the EFFECT on everything that we create, don’t look for the cause, it comes afterwards.

        We also wanted to set our minds into what is more valuable then to the unnecessary. And that’s true, we work hard for something valuable and also worked hard for something that awakens our left-out childhood.

        Men don’t think too much, it’s just too complicated. But we think critically, well there’s a difference. Critical thinking is not thinking too much, because when we think too much we rebel on it. But with critical thoughts, there’s a sense on it and it’s fun (Because of the EFFECT).

        We’re naturally Romantic, not just because we are designed to have it, but there are two kinds of a romantic man; The Pre-Romantic and the Post-Romantic. The Pre-Romantic are what everyone calls “PlayBoys”, the principle of EFFECT is still applicable, like any other, these kinds of men wanted to see the effect of their manhood, that’s their main tool. The Post-Romantic men are the reserved type of men, or Idiots. Yeah, they’re kind’a like idiots because if a woman likes them(or one of them), they don’t seem to notice it, that’s because they tend to be what they want to be and later on struggles for them to get appreciated by women, but truth and honesty, these are the type of guys that are loyal till death.

        Our world works in a way how are thoughts are placed, our brains are not inter-connected with the other thoughts that comes in our head. Yet we put them in cubicles or boxes, and that means “A Day Shall Not End without an Accomplishment”. That’s right, we don’t jump off the gun, we will not close that box until it has to. And of all boxes of our thoughts, there’s a box that’s empty, now this is the moment were the ladies would get paranoid, piece of advice – DON’T, you won’t get any resolution by arguing about that box.

        We want PEACE as much as anyone does, that’s why WAR has to happen. You don’t get to pass the wall unless you put a whole on it and build a door.

        Men are gentlemen, whether at first then nothing or first to the very end. You won’t find a gentlemen forever, he has to prove it to you and women have to suffer for that.

        Men have soft-spots, although the one’s that obviously presents their soft-spots are Pre-Romantics, beware. When you get to meet a guy, don’t look for his soft-spot right-away, because you’re not looking for a life partner, you’re looking for a pet. Let him slowly open his chime-box, his purple socks, his diary on his back-pack or his butterflies on his backyard. Once he shows you that, please… please… don’t let him go, because he is committed to you.

        Men do not hold grudges (just the mentally challenged). Yesterday, I might have exchanged punches with a random guy, tomorrow he’s my Best-man. We create an awesome kind of bond from a conflict, although not all the time.

        Men are territorial, as women can be. Although, we want to have a territory that is organized, that’s why a leadership system has to be established. In terms of the woman that we love, she is not an object of our property but rather the treasure that we keep, there’s a difference.

        And so much more…
        Piece of advice, don’t ask a gay guy what a man is, they’ve already given up on it. Ask a man who had lived with his wife for the longest and happiest time.

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  5. jake
    Jun 29, 2015 @ 18:40:26

    It sounds nice in theory, but in reality it won’t work. women still *want* to be pursued in a relationship. I don’t know of any woman who doesn’t want to be thought of as special by a man when being considered in a long lasting relationship, especially one that is more than just friends. If a guy doesn’t treat a woman right she will feel rejected. On the other hand, if a girl chases a guy in a way that a guy doesn’t have to earn her respect, then he won’t have a reason to honor her, he will just take her presence for granted. He will always think of her as too easy. Yeah it will be our story but that’s about it. nothing more nothing less. no happy marriage can come out of that. yes there might be children but it won’t be because of love.

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    • jackieB
      Jun 29, 2015 @ 22:19:05

      Thanks Jake for your thoughtful comment…. when i was writing this post, I wasn’t particularly referring to relationship and courtship. Whether it’s the men or the women who pursue, that is not much of an issue to me. What my blog probably wanted to say is that: Be yourself. And it’s ok if you do not fit the mold 🙂 and we should be equal in love and opportunities… really appreciate your comment! 🙂

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  6. jackieB
    Jun 27, 2015 @ 03:04:11

    gee, thanks! 🙂

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  7. Anonymous
    Jun 26, 2015 @ 11:17:19

    Wow! You’re such a wonderful person. I believe every man is blessed to have a woman like you.

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