Dreams Change

Your dreams change as you grow old.

You probably realize that when you are already done with college or have been working about two to three years like me.

I was reminded of my childhood dream when the buzz of Ms. Saigon audition was spreading all over the news and social media. God knows, I’ve been wanting to be in Ms. Saigon and be Ms. Saigon. After having performance-related subjects in college, theater workshops, meeting theater artists, auditions, and snippets of theater performance, my theater dream blossomed and blossomed until it shrank ironically. I got to know myself. I discovered my strengths and bitterly accepted my weaknesses.

I questioned if it was a dream worth fighting for. I can deliver a line, fill the stage with the decibel of my voice. But I don’t have outstanding looks that can compensate my mediocre talent. I can sing the right notes, but not stellar enough for a country that has a lot of singing talents planted everywhere like coconut trees. And as I met a lot of people who were also into musical theater, I found out that there were a lot of girls who sounded like Lea Salonga. They didn’t intentionally imitate Lea but her voice and her songs had become the template, the way Whitney became the standard for pop singers. And did I mention to you that I have two left feet? I have poor body coordination. I’m not a dancer. Not only that, there are so many things in theater that I don’t think I can handle such as the pressure on stage, the number of  thank-you auditions,  to open yourself more to rejection, correction, intimidating personalities. Sometimes, it’s only beautiful when it’s a dream. Sometimes it’s enchanting when these things only happen in your head. Having said all of this, I knew I had my limitation. And if you want to survive in this competitive industry, you have to be versatile. Apparently, I’m not.

I thought of this while I was controlling my left leg from moving during our rehearsal for a play. I just realize that this is not something I can claim as my own. Don’t get me wrong. I still like theater but it is now just a dream I dreamed. I kept the lyrics of “I still believe” in my music sheet folder and decided not to go to Opera House for auditions.

It’s not that I’m frustrated. I’m just enlightened? Reality pinched me in a harmless way. Perhaps what I want in life is to shine, to be at my best. And theater is not exactly the place I can say I belong. Everyday, life gives me more questions. Where do I belong? What other dreams are there for me? Can I create another dream? Is it too late?

I find comfort from this quote of C.S. Lewis.

dreams change

Advertisements

15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Adrian Pantonial
    Mar 16, 2013 @ 13:12:32

    Don’t worry. You’re not alone in this journey of trying to figure out where you’re supposed to be. 😉 May God help you find and fill your sweet spot under the sun!

    Like

    Reply

  2. Frances antoinette
    Dec 12, 2012 @ 04:24:19

    Yes…dreams change, but never stop dreaming and trying to achieve those dreams!

    Like

    Reply

  3. Rhence
    Nov 29, 2012 @ 06:44:55

    But the good thing here is that you don’t have this complacent attitude. You know you still have something more to achieve than what you have now and I know whatever endeavor you’ll take (someday), you’ll gonna get it! Just..don’t get tired. 😉

    Like

    Reply

  4. Anonymous
    Nov 28, 2012 @ 09:28:20

    alin
    nga
    ba

    ang
    pinakamahigit

    makamtam
    ang
    isa
    dito

    aba
    bakit
    nga
    hindi

    pwede
    na..

    hirap
    tumatagal
    d2
    sa
    mundo

    tapos
    ala
    mangyari…

    Like

    Reply

  5. Marya
    Nov 24, 2012 @ 04:56:48

    Hey! Remember the conversation we had? Heheh…i was also planning to write something like this…about changing dreams, taking a different path. It’s scary and perhaps the worst thing you can ever tell yourself is you’re not good enough. It hurts. Ang mas nakakatakot pa eh di natin alam where to go from here. Hay! Sana we find our place in this world…aja!

    Like

    Reply

    • Jacklyn Belo
      Nov 24, 2012 @ 15:03:04

      oo nga .. It’ s really scary…. i think my issue is more than doing what you love to do, being career wise, dreams, nature of job. Basically, it’s finding your place in this world. And as of now, I’m lost. hehe.. ganon siguro pag hindi fully developed hehe.. sulat ka na ng post related to this hehe baka macomfort ako lol

      Like

      Reply

  6. ResidentPatriot
    Nov 24, 2012 @ 04:33:49

    giving up is the fastest way to kill a dream…

    Like

    Reply

    • Jacklyn Belo
      Nov 24, 2012 @ 14:53:19

      very well said 🙂 we are brave if we fight for the things we love and hope for but sometimes it is more courageous to accept that the things we love and hope for are not worth fighting for… parang love life lang .. we first try then if it does not work out, we learn to surrender 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  7. Lapiskamay
    Nov 24, 2012 @ 01:57:29

    just be who wanted to be! I’ll pray for the best of you, for your dreams, and the many dreams that will come to you. La vita y Belo.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow Jackie Belo on WordPress.com
%d bloggers like this: